My Miss Right..

Every one should have a list of required "must-haves" in a potential life-mate. So I've decided to list my "Top 10". These are in no particular order and don't take these too seriously. This list has already pissed off a number of my female friends.

She must be/have:

1. Attractive: The only people that say looks don't matter, are ugly people. When looks no longer matter, I'll be old, wrinkley and ugly too.

2. A Good Sense of Humor: If my jokes don't make her laugh, she has no chance with me. My jokes are so funny most times, I make myself crack up.

3. Witty: Telling a joke is one thing. Telling a timely joke that requires someone to be up-to-date on current issues surrounding the globe -- that is just plain HOT!

4. Athletic: Good looking fat girls.. are still fat. I want a woman who knows how to work off any extra weight gained after having my six children. I'm very fertile.

5. Down to Earth: Most women live in their own unique fantasy world. The goal is to find one that needs me, but not my stuff. She must realize "shopping" is not a part of Mazlow's Heirarchy of needs.

6. Christian/Protestant: This is an important one. If there's a tug-of-war on religion, there will likely be the same type of back and forth battle during the divorce.

7. A Good Cook: I once dated a woman who defined cooking as: anything that can be heated up in a microwave. If she can use a stove, good. If she know how to properly use all of those spices in the cabinet, great.

8. A Certain Height: My cut off is 5'1" for a woman. Anything shorter than that and my children have no chance of being a physical speciman like their father. They'll just be a short guy/girl with a complex.

9. Submissive: All the women are rolling their eyes at this one. But if you were to ask a guy, this would be a huge factor. Let's face it. The man is the ultimate decision maker in a relationship. He's the King. A woman is free to voice her opinion.. until there's conflict. After that, she's just causing trouble.

10. Honest/Loyal: This is as big as any requirement for me. An honest and loyal woman will never give up on your relationship. And she'll never leave. That's security baby!! It will come in handy when I hit my mid-life crisis, quit my job, and decide I want to become a fulltime "blog writer."

Let me know if I left anything out.