My Crazy Neighbor Troy

So police arrested my crazy neighbor this morning.

If you haven't ever heard me talk about Troy, you've certainly missed out. Today was pretty humerous. As I was about to leave for work this morning I heard him yelling (which actually isn't uncommon). I looked outside and he was pleading with four Oklahoma City police officers in my front yard. At one point he dropped to his knees to plead his case. Not long after that something made two of the officers crack up laughing. Not suprising if you've ever talked to Troy.

Not 5 minutes later I hear a "knock, knock, knock" on my front door. It was the sergeant in charge. I opened the door and the conversation went something like this:

Sergeant: "Hello, sir. Do you know this guy (pointing to Troy)?"

Me: "Yes sir. That's Troy."

Sergeant: "He's nuttier than a fruitcake, isn't he."

Me: "Yes sir."

Sergeant: "He said you'd vouch for him."

Me: "Haha.. Well I don't know about that sir."

Sergeant: "Well I'm going to take him in for a psych evaluation, so you won't be seeing him for about 72 hours."

Me: "Okay."

Turns outs some neighbors called the police last night as Troy was running around an illegal camp fire in his backyard, naked, beating on one my 5-gallon buckets, and saying "Praise the Lord!! SHIT! Pass the ammunition!!"

I guess he had it coming.

The only thing that upsets me about his arrest is that Troy promised to water my lawn today. I guess that'll have to wait now.

What's the Deal?!?

I don't get it.

I mean I'm a catch. I'm a winner. Successful. Charming. Funny... Modest.

So why am I having such trouble finding a good woman? I'm not getting any younger that's for sure. And I'm not as "tone" as I was at 21. You're body stops growing and starts to deteriorate at 25. I'm almost four years into the 'deterioration process', and it's showing. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Some people tell I'm looking in the wrong places. Like work. A bar. A street corner. The phonebook. I say it's because I've yet to find anyone who I'm attracted to, AND who's single.

Lets face it. Guys are smarter than you ladies think. If they weren't, then there would be a lot more attractive, intelligent, funny, SINGLE women out there. But there aren't. And it's because the biggest idiots swipe them up faster than Kobayashi eats hot dogs. The guys know it's NOW or NEVER! That if they don't swoop down now, they'll never find anything better.

Now I'm not saying there aren't any wonderful single women out there. But there aren't any that I've come across. And I mean, come on! Just look what they're missing out on!