The Older, fatter me..

So I went swimming for the first time in about a year recently.

It was the first dip in my "latest body." I say my latest, because it changes periodically. Sometimes it's with a spare tire, sometimes it's.. okay it's always with a spare tire. Sometimes though, that tire is bigger than other times.

Last weekend, I put on an old bathing suit. It seemed to fit a bit differently than I remember. It hit just below the gut, just above the bigger butt. And there was a bit of an overhang. Can't say I was expecting that.

For the first time since I was in fifth grade, when I was a bit portly, I felt self conscious. I admit, I had to suck in. It didn't help that I was swimming in front of a couple of attractive, fit, younger women. I'd only breath while in the water and only sit down if I had a towel to cover up the rolls.


I can remember the first time I hit 200-pounds. I was actually excited. At the time I was lifting weights and thought, "the bigger, the better." Now, I can't seem to get below that 200 mark. (And yes, most of it's still muscle.)

Sure I could diet, but what fun is that? I once tried what my dad calls the "tuna diet." It's where you eat nothing but tuna fish and drink nothing but water. It's supposed to last a week. I lasted three days. I stopped when my urine smelled like fish.

Dating: The Everlasting Gobstopper of Enigmas

I was thinking today, dating isn't easy. And to me, the hardest part.. is the beginning.

I think my main problem is my approach. I'm very passive when it comes to asking women out.

I'm not one to go up and ask a complete stranger out on a date. I think the fear of rejection is too overwhelming. That and the thought of a boisterous laugh or a stiff arm to the face, haunt me.

I can't phathom seeing an attractive woman and in a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds, saying to myself, "I'm going to ask that girl out right now." Just the thought of doing so makes me cringe and dry heave.

For some men, asking out a complete stranger is easy. I have a friend who, before he was married, had mastered the, for a better term, "Daring Stranger Stalk and Walk."

His theory was simple. He played the odds. One out of ten "Yes',"was still one. He didn't let the other nine, "No! Get away from me creep!," comments bother him. These odds eventually landed him his wife. A girl that, if he'd never had the guts to ask out, he would never have known.

If he'd taken my approach, he'd still be single. He would have taken his thoughts about her, swallowed them, and chalked it up as another missed opportunity.

If asking out a complete stranger isn't bad enough, I feel even less motivated to ask out my girl friends. You know, my friends that are girls.

I think many of us share this fear. To ask someone out you know and know well, can be dangerous. If it doesn't work, your friendship is all but ruined. Sure you 'might' marry this person and live 'happily ever after..", but why would I want to risk it?

I guess that's why I've recently asked out girls I know, but not really. The past two women I've dated have come from work. Probably not the best idea.

Again, I'm pretty sure it all goes back to fear. Being a person who has experienced little rejection in my life, I'm not interested is starting now.

I think dating will remain an enimga to me for some time. I guess it's like a puzzle that, unless you have all the pieces together in order, it never quite makes sense.