My Trip to Mexico..

I recently took a trip to the border town of Reynosa, Mexico. Population 1.25 million.. and growing.

It was a mission trip to the Rio Bravo Children's Home. The home houses more than 75 children, each special in their own way, with their own horrible story of abandonment. Life in the orphanage however, is much better than life outside the gates. It's like an oasis in a hell hole, supported entirely by donations and volunteers.

During my visit, I helped six other men clear a field and build a fence. During the trip I learned how to use a brush hog, how to put up a cyclone fence and how to gain a closer relationship with God. Each man also taught me a little bit about themselves and I'd like to share what I learned.

Scott-Scott taught me no matter how bad my sunburn gets, his will always be much, much worse. Scott is a true redneck.

Mark-Mark taught me no matter where you go in life, somehow, someway, you can always pick up a Texas Longhorn football game on the radio.

Kermit-Kermit taught me to slow down. He moves at his own speed and sleeps whenever he's tired. Whether it's during a water break, church, or a football game, anytime, is sleeping time.

Mike L.-He taught me that I'm not the only one who talks in his sleep. "Get up!"

Roger-Roger taught me how to build a fence and build it right the first time. He also taught me that there is finally another person in the world with as many lame farming/ranching/hauling/bailing and near death experience stories, as my dad.

Dad-Wow. My Dad. He's great. He's an entertainer. I learned on this trip that if I listen twice as often as I speak.. I may just have enough time to listen to about 10-percent of his life stories. Fortunately for the rest of us, we ran out of time before he could finish them all.

Honesty, I wouldn't trade my experience for anything. I hope to go back someday with each one of these guys.

Me and Brad Pitt.. the Scary Similarities..

It's uncanny. I mean, I have more in common with the guy than I do with my best friend.

I'm talking about Brad Pitt. Don't believe me? Than just look at the similarities:

Brad Pitt was born in Shawnee, Oklahoma. I was born in Shawnee, Oklahoma.

Brad Pitt moved away from Shawnee at an early age. I too moved away at an early age.

Brad Pitt grew up in a Baptist home. I grew up in a Baptist home.

Brad Pitt went to college to study Journalism. I studied journalism in college.

Brad Pitt's one of the few blonde haired men in the U.S. So am I!

Brad Pitt loves beautiful women. I love beautiful women!!!

It's scary how much our lives parallel each others'. I guess it's just a matter of time before I leave for Hollywood, make it big, marry a hot actress, then divorce her for another hot actress. Man, I can't wait!!

The Rudest, Worst Pick Up Lines Ever...

I had to delete some, and had to clean up the rest. Forgive me if some of these still offend you but I "hear" they all work. Enjoy!


1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day.

2. Nice legs...what time do they open?

3. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

4. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

5. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

7. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher: have you seen one?

8. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

10. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

11. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

12. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

13. Are those real?

14. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

15. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

16. My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

17. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

18. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

19. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

20. Hi. The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.

21. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to.

22. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?

23. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why? Don't you like pizza?

24. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.

25. Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I???

26. Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.

27. I lost my puppy. Can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

28. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

29. Do you have any indian in you? You want some?