My Brother is still "Perfect"

Great news everybody! My brother got ANOTHER raise!!! YEA!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this is getting to be a bi-monthly kick in the crotch.

How much money can this boy make before he hits puberty? Not only is he two years younger than I am, but he can now literally buy and sell his older brother.

If he were to offer me 30-grand a year to be his pool boy, I would seriously consider it. Maybe he'll even let me live in his guest room. Better yet, his pool house. Then maybe I'll be able to take on my dream title of "Starving Writer. Will work for chlorine."

Look, I'm proud of by little-bigger bro' (did I mention he's 5 inches taller than I am?). He's worked hard to get where he is today. He also picked a profession that pays more than mine does.

No, I thought I wanted to write about things that would make a difference in the world. Instead, my job responsibility includes writing promotional pieces for the highest bidder and taking whatever "payola" I can from people.. like those at the Prague Kolachi Festival. "Here Cozy.. I thought you could use a few delicious kolachi's. Free of charge of course. (wink, wink)." Of course.

Did I mention I love my brother?

A funny little email on Women..

Some things never change. I found this email that I sent my dad a couple of years ago. It's still relavent today:

Dad,

Well.. the saga continues for my love life.

The latest "adventure" involves an older woman. An intelligent woman. But obviously a woman that can't take a joke. What was the joke you ask? Well, one rainy day, I went to pick up "L", we'll call her, for dinner. "L" loves her dog. A lot. So much so that even when he is soaked to the bone and stinks to high heaven, she's still able to pick him up and love all over him. Ahh how frickin' sweet. HOWEVER, that doesn't fly with me.

A woman that smells like wet dog, for some reason or another, isn't that appealing. Maybe it's just me. So, I told her, "You know, you smell. You smell like a wet dog." (Note to self: Never tell a woman that she smells like wet dog. Check.) Needless to say, she wasn't very happy. In fact, she hasn't said a word to me since. Maybe she's just blowing off steam, maybe she's bathing.

So let me get this straight.. woman want men to be honest. Then they ask questions like, do I look fat in this? Or, were you just staring at that girl's butt? Or, did you mess around with my best-friend? You want the truth?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

My past relationship experiences thus far can be summarized in this phrase,"...like death.. on a cracker."

You & Me

I'm a poet, and didn't know it.


There was a plan,
to that God stuck.
All thanks to fate,
no thanks to luck.

Two different lives,
together at last.
All at His speed,
and not too fast.

So here and now,
we two both stand.
Together with God,
here, hand in hand.

Now it's to you,
and no one else.
I give my heart,
I pledge myself.

Old and gray yes,
we'll someday be.
But together forever,
both you and me.