Crack that Whip

Friday, December 22, 2006

A Redneck Christmas..

For the first time in 29 years, I'm taking someone other than myself to my family's Christmas gathering.

The gathering itself is quite an eccletic group that seems to have only two things in common: blood.. and annual holiday celebrations on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve at Grandma Doodle's and Aunt Ramona's house.

One of the traditions that I dread is the annual picture taking. Every year, "the kids" reluctantly get together as "the parents" or paparazzi take a half hundred pictures. And every year our numbers grow. In recent years the number of kids have grown substantially as many marry and have children. And for the past several years, the oldest great-grandchild, yours truly, has been standing alone while his younger brother and cousins have increased their group size (or in some cases swapped out companions.)

Another tradition that began several years ago was the "Dirty Santa" exchange. What could be more redneck than a bunch of people exchanging everything from Mad Dog 20/20 to plastic poop. Are either of those gifts good gifts? Seriously. One year someone thought Beanie Babies would be a great gift. Only thing is, none of us knew they were just for the kids. So when our now deceased 96 year old great grandmother tried to steal a beanie baby from an 8 year old child, she had no idea the child would scream bloody murder and that she would pissed off the child's mother.

Yeah this girl doesn't know what she's in for. Hopefully they'll shy away from the "Oriental" and "Chink" jokes, but who knows. The word 'tact' isn't in the majority of my family's vocabulary. Neither is bathing but you get used to the smell after a while. YEEEEHAW!!